A Little Something About Doors

Once, when I was four, my mother went to church down the street, leaving my sister (who was three) and me with our father, who remained in bed, asleep.  At which point, I decided that my sister and I should go to church, too.  We’d been to church before, but never by ourselves.  We’d never stood alone on the church steps in front of the double doors that now loomed over us like a wooden angel with a giant pair of wings.   Would we be able to open the door on our own?  Should we knock?  Somehow we managed.  I don’t remember how, but I do recall holding my sister’s hand as we clomped down the aisle in our floppy boots, feeling mighty pleased at having gotten through the door by ourselves.

My son graduated from college this past weekend.  It made me think about door as metaphor.  One door closes, another opens.  At this same college a few years ago, some students  erected a kind of pink uterine tent where the door was a vagina.  I didn’t get a picture of that.  It would have been interesting, to say the least.

I am fascinated by doors.  The look of them, the idea of them.  The ins and outs of them, the open and closed.  The splendid endless variety of them.  Sometimes they are scary.  Sometimes, daunting and formidable.

And sometimes they take my breath away.

Lapping the Miles

My husband and I drove some 450 miles over Mother’s Day weekend.  We spent time with family, laughed a lot, and enjoyed listening to live music.  I drank just enough wine to induce me to sing.  The weather was sublime.  As we were homeward bound, the late afternoon sun and unending highway made me think of this:

I like to see it lap the Miles/ And lick the Valleys up

Emily Dickinson was writing about a train, but hunched low in my seat, staring over the dashboard at the road ahead, it looked exactly as though our car was lapping up the miles.  So I pointed my camera and snapped some pictures.

I wonder if Miss Dickinson would agree.

Fear of Flying

Image

A friend of mine asked me for advice.  She’s flying across the country soon and she’s afraid of flying.  Since I was a “seasoned flyer,” did I have any tips that might help?

Though I’m loath to admit it, flying scares the crap out of me.  I’m 30,000 feet in the air inside a huge hunk of metal that remains airborne only by the marvel of mechanical engineering and a proper maintenance schedule.  But I do like to travel and the fastest way to traverse large distances is to get on a plane and hope that the engine, the electrical systems, the landing gear, and the rivets holding everything together have all been thoroughly checked and maintained.  Preferably just before I boarded.  Yes, it scares me, but I’ve gotten used to it.  And I’ve devised a habit to ease my fear.   I meditate upon take-off and landing (statistically the most likely time for a problem).  Without fail, every single time.  It makes me feel better to do this.  It makes me feel a little more in control.  An illusion perhaps, but isn’t life?

Ultimately, my advice to her was do it and keep doing it, because you can.

Which brings me to the point of this post.   As I conveyed my seasonedwisdom to my friend, it occurred to me that maybe I should apply similar advice to other aspects of my life.  Like blogging.  That really scares the crap out of me, too.  The whole time I’m writing a post, I’m thinking; someone might actually read this blog, and worse, they might think my writing completely sucks.*  Which is why my first blogging attempts consisted of seven posts over the course of nine months.

We are all afraid of something.  And mostly, it’s the doing it anyway that sees us through.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do the thing you think you cannot do.”  She also said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”  Sometimes that may be just getting out of bed.

So read away citizens of the internet.  Or not.  The blogosphere is a mighty big place.  However, if you should stumble upon this page – hellooo – I’m here, still afraid of sucking, but writing anyway.

Because I can.

*I’m also terrified of crossing bridges.  Interesting that the common denominator seems to be falling, whether out of the sky, over water, or on my face.

Fforde Ffiesta is Not a Car.


In a few minutes, I will be heading to Logan airport with my husband and son.  Woohoo!  We’re off to Swindon, UK, home of literary detective, Thursday Next.  We’ll visit a few other places while we’re in England, but Swindon is our primary destination.

Swindon you may ask?  Is that even a real place?  It is, indeed.  It is also the location of the 3rd Fforde Ffiesta.  With this trip, we will have made all three.

That’s Fforde as in Jasper, the author of a series of wildly imaginative books that defy definition or genre placement.  If you have not heard of him or read his books, I urge you all to do so tout de suite.  They are brilliant, and the most fun you will have without leaving your chair (or wherever it is you generally like to read a good book).  

Some of the wacky activities we have in store for us this time (taken from the Fforde Ffiesta website):

Hamlet Speed Reading:  Fancy yourself as the next David Tennant? Then why not try your hand at our Hamlet Soliloquy Speed Reading Competition.

First Legion of Danvers:  Enjoy dressing up in old, grey wigs and black dresses? The 1st Legion of Danvers is just for you.

Grey Angst:  Feeling dull and unimaginative? Sounds like the perfect time to create a literary work of genius for this year’s competition.

And of course, no Ffiesta would be complete without the return of ffestival favourites such as Name That Fruit!, and Live Audience Participation Shakespeare (Hamlet, Prince of Zombies).  And with the gracious backing of our ever-glorious sponsors The Goliath © Corporation (For All You’ll Ever Need™) these events will now be provided in glorious 3-D technicolour!

 If you’re not going to be there this week, I’m sorry.  We’ll try to have fun without you.  To those of you who WILL be there, let me repeat myself –  WOOHOO!!  See you soon!

The original Ffestival fforganizers.

Where You’ll Find Me


If you’re looking for me this week-end, I won’t be home. I’ll be attending the SCBWI writer’s retreat at Whispering Pines in Rhode Island. I am seriously happy about this. Giddy, even, hopped up on endorphins, and I don’t even have to break a sweat to experience that rush. My fellow attendees will recognize this state of being. It’s a small retreat; a couple of dozen people who attend for the entire week-end, and a couple of dozen more who will be there during the day for the presentations. An author, an illustrator, two editors, and an agent acting as mentors for the week-end. All of us huddled together in cozy lodges surrounded by pine trees and overlooking a serenely beautiful lake. Sheer bliss.

There is very little actual writing that goes on, it’s not that kind of retreat. There are presentations by the mentors, who share their wisdom and experience generously. They talk about the process of writing, of creating flesh and blood characters–whether with words or pictures–the kind who leap out of the book and whisper their stories breathlessly. This is the kind of intimate retreat where there is a constant exchange of ideas and dreams amid much laughter, and as the week-end winds down, silliness fueled by too little sleep. And at the end of it all, the endorphins are still careening through your body (tired as it is), so that you drive away, down the winding narrow road back to your real life with creative muscles pumped, head full of fresh new ideas. Jazzed about the life you’ve chosen for yourself, this writing for children.


 


 

Collectibles

I am not a particularly avid collector. Collections, I find, take up way too much room, and requires dusting more frequently than I care to do. I do have a lot of books. They’re everywhere in my house, stacks of them in fact, and only some of them are considered collectibles (i.e. are signed first editions). Most of the books are there to read, or for reference, and periodically I sort through them to determine which of them I can let go of, and then I have my husband cart them to the “book house” at our local transfer station so that someone else may enjoy them.

I do have a collection of trinkets based on the ’39 movie, The Wizard of Oz. And for this, I deliberately set out to collect only small items that would fit neatly behind the glass doors of small cupboards and shadow boxes, thus taking up little room and keeping them virtually dust-free. Smart. Over time I have amassed figurines made of plastic, pewter, or porcelain, most the size of my thumb, and glass marbles painted with the heads of Dorothy and her pals. I have trading cards and thimbles, music boxes, tiny porcelain boxes with even tinier contents, and an assortment of glittery ruby slippers of various sizes. Mostly I acquired these items on eBay, or my husband has because he knows it’s easy one-stop shopping come Christmas time. But small as the items are, they are beginning to require more shelf space than I currently have. I’m working on fixing that.

I have another collection I’ve been working on my entire life, one that needs little storage space or dusting. It’s a collection of words. Words that are lovely and interesting, that have texture, and affect my senses so that I can feel them in my mouth and taste them. They are delicious. Words that conjure up colors and images for me, often unrelated to their actual meaning. Confabulate. Drupaceous. Nacreous. Rugose. These are the kinds of words I stumble upon here and there in the process of living, and I record them in notebooks. I have a lot of notebooks now, but you can keep a lot of words in a notebook. Some of the older notebooks I haven’t looked at in a long, long time, and some have gotten lost entirely. It’s okay. Because, sometimes I stumble upon a word I’ve forgotten or lost and it’s like meeting a childhood friend I haven’t seen in ages and there’s a flicker of recognition, followed by the charm of getting acquainted all over again.

 

Making Things Up

One of the things I love about children is that they make things up. There are monsters in their closets and under their beds but if they shut their eyes very, very tight it is a well-known fact that monsters can’t see them. My son, when he was little, could make himself invisible to monsters. Not only that, but if he ran past me fast enough he was invisible to me as well, and I wouldn’t see those extra cookies he had taken, or tell him that it was time to stop having all that fun with his friends because now we had to go home. My son was also a spy. He had powers of invisibility in that capacity, too, when he needed them.

I like to make things up myself. I like to make up characters who could be true, and put words in their mouths and thoughts in their heads that might be things that I would say or do, or that my son might, or even the man I saw once who looks very much like one of the characters in the book I am writing now.

I like to tell stories. My husband’s grandmother, a wise woman, used to say, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” By which she meant, every fact is not necessary to the telling, in the end it’s the story that matters. We are the stories we tell, every one of us. It makes us who we are, as well as entertains us, and that is where our truth dwells.

Besotted

When I was very young, my mother read nightly to my sister and me, alternating between a glossy black bible filled with fables of prodigal sons and babies in bulrushes, and a battered book of fairy tales that told of goose girls and trolls. I think we had only the two books then, but they were both thrilling, and filled with wild, wonderful words that made my head spin. The first word I remember saying again and again just for the sound of it — archangel. Archangel. Not merely an angel, something far grander and more majestic. Something powerful. And thus I learned: A word beside another word and another made sentences and paragraphs and before you knew it you were completely and utterly lost in a wilderness of words. And that was a good thing.