Between, & all the years that have passed since then

In a kingdom far away

In a kingdom far away

BETWEEN

I wanted a red dress and wide hips —
the better to love with
not necessarily for birthing babies
as those books
would have us believe
their pages filled with
elastic wombs & embryos,
miniature aliens placed there
by god knows what.
Desire.  Was that it?

Motherhood has since selected
something more suitable
for me to wear.
responsibility and self-sacrifice
in a durable weave,
stains wash out easily.
Count on cotton
I hear in my head,
a titter made sonorous
in the hollow of sleepless nights.

Swaddled in flannel with pink rosettes
I dream of a tight red dress
warm breath in my hair
probing fingers
so many places to search for comfort
or passion.
Desire and need are not the same things.
My thighs have grown soft.
I remember when they were taut,
sprawled heedlessly on the edge of caring.

I perched there for a time,
between
the dream and waking,
between
desire and duty,
rivers of doubt flowing on either side.
I stared into the abyss
and leapt anyway.

~~~ written 1995


So, yeah . . . here’s a thing.  I’ve had a stack of old floppy disks sitting in a drawer forever.  A few days ago I bought an external floppy disk drive so that I could finally access the content.  One of the disks was just labeled Poems.  A few of them, like this one here, I hadn’t remembered even writing.  My son was six when I wrote this.  I was busy, probably tired as hell.

There are short stories I forgot about, ideas for children’s books, more poems. I’ll probably go through them slowly, savoring them.  Try to recall where my head was at the time.  It’s a little like finding a trove of letters from someone you used to know, but haven’t seen in a really, really long time.

Could be interesting.

20 thoughts on “Between, & all the years that have passed since then

  1. How wonderful – I tossed all of my floppies years ago…… When I was cleaning out my dad’s computer office, his went, too. I am sure there were things that were worth preserving, but I didn’t have the mindset or patience to sift through it all. He’s been gone five years now and it seems the other day. Enjoy reading your treasures and wondering. Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Kristen. Glad you liked it. Since I posted this, I’ve looked at a few more files. I found a poem I wrote about my grandmother after a visit with her. It needs to be a longer piece though, I think. I so love your writing about your grandmother — something about them (our grandmothers) makes me wistful.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love rediscovering old writing. Unfortunately I’ve lost so much-I have found an old poem I did when I was fifteen, about a vampire (like I said-fifteen!) which I will post at some point. Mainly as a means of preserving it-I wish I still had the others I’ve lost. I enjoyed this one of yours.

    Liked by 1 person

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